3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
