and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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