So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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