Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
