The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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