Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
