i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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