Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
