I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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