Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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