dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
