It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
