try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
