So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
