You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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