its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
