hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
