Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I party with great urgency now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize