On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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