definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
