I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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