Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
