i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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