his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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