as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
