omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Your tits are I can't wait for
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
