I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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