My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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