And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
