my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
