Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
