I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
