Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
