i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
