just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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