38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
