This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
