note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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