This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
