Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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