I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
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