i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
