Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
