i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
