My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
