Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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