When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
