So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
