Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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