There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
