I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
