He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
