Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
