This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
