The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
