If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
