You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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