When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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