Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
