I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
