Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
