some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
