Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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