i barfeds in our rink
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
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He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize