Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize