Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
