Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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