i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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