There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
