he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
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This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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