oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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