Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Randomize
