Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
