I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You dont lie about slip and slides
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
