Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
